Reframing Words: When You Don’t Know What To Say
When the phone rings with the news that breaks your heart, do you struggle with how to help friends and loved ones Reframe Rain in their lives?
Meet three First Responder Chaplains who answer the hard calls every day. The chaplains dedicate their lives to bringing presence, hope, peace, and direction to some of the most difficult moments in life. They share glimpses of their worlds and offer tips for coming alongside friends and family who need help Reframing Rain.
Chaplain Delia Coker
Tualatin Valley Fire & Rescue
When an emergency necessitates a chaplain, I receive a call from the 911 dispatch center. Immediately, I text a team of people committed to praying for those involved and praying for me. During my drive to the scene I pray without ceasing and try to arrive, bringing the gift of peace. On most calls, the nature of the emergency is unknown until I arrive. Not knowing is a blessing, causing me to rely on the Lord. Prayers help me show up ready to listen and ask questions, helping people share what’s on their minds and heart. It’s important to arrive with a calm face and gentle, caring eyes. My calling is to extend the love of Christ by serving the hurting. Sometimes that means getting them water, calling their family, or allowing strength to pass through me by holding their hand.
My tip for someone who is walking alongside a friend experiencing pain or grief is to show up. Just be there. Be there, remain calm, focus on listening, and ask the Holy Spirit to give you words of comfort. He will show up right on time. When it feels like the silence is too much, trust it’s just enough. Showing up for a friend in need just might be the tender gift they need.
You can support Delia’s Chaplaincy work through tax-deductible donations made through the Public Safety Chaplaincy website in the name of Delia Coker.
Chaplain Alex Cross
West Linn Police Department
When dispatched to a home or the scene of an accident where sudden death has occurred, I'm drawn into many varied family situations. On the way, I pray asking the Lord to show me how to listen carefully, without judgment. My role is to support the Police Officers and EMTs by providing a listening ear to the grief-stricken and traumatized family. In the minutes and hours following the unexpected event, I guide families through agonizing choices they never expected to make that day. My role as a chaplain means being an agent of calm, a compassionate non-judgmental listener, and a messenger of hope - basically Jesus with skin on.
Today I was called to an emergency situation in a local community. A young man was working alongside his dad who suddenly collapsed. He passed away on arrival at the hospital. Being there to comfort and guide the son reminded me how I totally rely on the Lord. The son appreciated my presence and guidance, so once again the Lord prevailed.
How should you respond to family, friends, and neighbors when they experience distress or a traumatic situation? My advice–BE THERE. Your presence alongside them is supportive and reassuring. If you are at a loss for words, say nothing. A gentle touch or loving embrace goes a long way. Just BE THERE.
You can support Alex’s Chaplaincy work through tax-deductible donations at the Public Safety Chaplaincy website in the name of Alex Cross.
Chaplain Wendy C. Norris
Forest Bend Fire Department
As chaplains, our primary mission is to bring hope to the hurting, to bring the comfort of Jesus to a broken world, and to offer joy in circumstances where it’s hard to find joy. I am blessed to be called to this unique mission field of fire chaplaincy.
My favorite aspect of being a chaplain is I get to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Sometimes that means just being present in the pain. And sometimes that means jumping into the difficult pit of trauma and loss. I have learned in my twenty years of being a chaplain what means the most is actually doing the little things. Maybe those little things don’t matter to everyone else who is spectating but to the one person who is in crisis, it could mean the difference between life and death. Small acts of service can be what gives the person I am ministering to a sliver of hope when they had none before. Hope matters to hurting people.
Last year our fire department responded to a house fire trapping two dogs. The owners were not home, but their teenaged daughter was there and terrified for her dogs. While the other firefighters were putting out the fire, I did my best to soothe her stress. Within a few minutes, a firefighter came out of the house carrying one of her dogs. He was a twelve-year-old German Shepherd suffering from smoke inhalation and overheating. I immediately rendered aid to the sweet girl’s dog. After an hour’s worth of oxygen, cooling cloths, and sugar water, the dog started doing much better. While not a big deal to others, her dog’s life was very important to this girl.
My tip for anyone coming beside someone in need is to remember small acts of kindness can make a big difference.
You can learn more about Wendy's personal story of Reframing Rain and her other writing at Behind you all the Way.